Running for Answers

My website blogs are generally reserved for my travel experiences and promoting places I’ve been.  I’m deviating from that today because there is something I just can’t get off my mind.  Today they are burying Mollie Tibbetts and there is not an Iowan that is not thinking about what is happening for her family.  Likewise, the national response to her story has been tremendous.  And as with most things that deeply affect me, I think about them when I run.  Then I write about it.

As a storyteller, I can’t help but recall my own story where someone approached me; likely with intent to harm me.  I was 22 years old and had just moved to Des Moines.  Living on the south side with my roommate, we would go down to Road Show Video on Fleur Drive, across from the airport to rent videos.  This is what you do when you are just starting out on your own and short on money.  You find cheaper forms of entertainment.  Of course in the new digital age, most video stores are now extinct and in fact, Road Show Video closed long ago.

It was a Friday night and we headed to the store to rent a movie for the evening.  It was a busy night at the video store and the majority of the parking lot was full.  Thus, I parked at the very back of the parking lot.  There were no lights here except for a dim light coming from the nearby street lamp.  I had parked at the very back stall in front of a steep embankment separating a neighbor’s yard and the video store property.  Moving from a small town of 900 people to the “big city”, let’s face it, I was not very wise in the ways of the world.

Browsing around the store, I noticed a man that seemed out of place.  He was more interested in looking at the customers in the store than the videos on display.  Moving from aisle to aisle, I couldn’t help but feel his gaze.  My roommate noticed this too.  He tried to talk to us as we continued to move away.  It was unsettling and we chose to leave without our movie selection.  As we walked to the car, I noticed this man had also left the store.  A huge sense of relief came over me when I saw him getting into his truck.

We got in the car and to my horror, in this short amount of time, the man had re-parked his truck several yards behind our car.  Not only was he blocking the exit out, he had blocked us in entirely.  And because I had parked in front of a steep embankment that was over 6 feet tall, there was no way to drive forward.  We were literally trapped.

Terrified, my roommate asked, “what are we going to do?!”  This was during a time and age when cell phones were not utilized daily so there was no way to call for help since neither of us had one.  I did the only thing I could think of: PRAY.  As a born and raised Presbyterian, we’re taught to pray only to the Holy Trinity:  God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  But in this time of crisis, that theological command went right out the window.  Oh, I was calling in the big guns!  Despite the 3 obvious divine choices, I was also calling on angels, the Mother Mary, deceased relatives….  A spiritual SOS of anything and everything associated with “the light” that could help me.

I’m not entirely sure how or why I chose to pray at the time like this.  Yes, it may seem like the most logical thing to do.  But I assure you, when you are in a life or death situation, your brain is not thinking clearly of what you should do.  The amount of adrenaline that is pumping, your mind is racing….trust me, your thoughts are not clear.  And despite this time of extreme anxiety, for whatever reason, praying was the first thing I thought of.

The man had gotten out of his truck with a clear path and intent headed to our car.  Time seemed to slow down exponentially.  I tuned out my roommate’s frantic desperation.  With each step, I prayed as fast as I could, as hard as I could.  It seemed like an eternity but the man had finally reached my window.  We had locked our doors but there was no telling what would happen next.

Incredibly frightened, I looked up at the man’s face just as he reached for my door and then something happened.  On the dimly lit side street parallel to the store, a car had suddenly stopped right in the middle of the street.  A man got out and started talking to the man at my window.  I could not hear what he said; nor could I see his face as it was hidden in the shadows.

Whatever the man in the street was saying, the man at my window did NOT like it.  He angrily shouted something back at the man in the street.  The man in the street persisted in a calm voice addressing my harasser.  Still I could not hear what he was saying; I could only interpret the overall tone of his voice.  At this moment, the would-be attacker at my window walked back to his truck, pulled out of the parking lot and drove off.  This mysterious man in the street who had just saved us from God only knows what, stayed only for a moment to make sure our harasser had left and then he also drove away.  I never saw his face.

To this day, I have no idea who saved me other than the fact it was in fact divine intervention.  Yes, I am sure of that.

In the past month, it’s been hard not to be affected by what happened to Mollie.  After all, she was a runner and so am I.  And every person in Iowa, small town or not, has re-evaluated their habits and safety.  On this morning’s run, I can’t help but think, “Why was I protected that day?  Why wouldn’t you protect Mollie?”  These are human questions but questions nonetheless that we all have been asking since they have discovered her body.  Whether we have privately wondered or publicly asked.  Why does God let bad things happen to good people?

By all accounts, Mollie seems like a better person than me.  She was an extremely happy individual, made everyone laugh, and a friend to everyone she met.  She was also a psychology major with plans to help children with mental illness.  Wow, right?  She would have had a huge impact on the world by helping people.  That seems a lot more ambitious and humanitarian than my profession.  I didn’t know Mollie but I’m among the many who wished they did.

I had seen pictures of Mollie praying with her teammates before their races to give them strength and help them compete to their best of their ability.  Clearly, she was a Christian.  But it would be wrong to say God only helps Christians or ask why he helps some of his flock and not others.  It’s not fair to put God in that small box although we may want to.  He’s slightly more complex than that.

Proverbs 3:5 and 3:7 reads:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.”

This scripture means our human understanding is small and subjective.  We cannot possible see the entire picture.  Our human existence is but a skewed view thru a hazy glass.  To explain things away to ease our pain is human nature but is not what we are instructed to do.  When atrocities such as these happen to good people like Mollie, we want to know why.

But as I ran this morning and recall that scripture, I realize we may never understand why.  Certainly not during this lifetime or with this flawed human intelligence.  It’s hard to be satisfied and sit with that answer.  But on a day like today, that’s all any of us can do.

My prayers and sympathies go out to Mollie Tibbetts’ family that they may find the peace that passes all understanding.

Isaiah 43:2

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.  When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”